i fucking hate that fucking bus and that shitty bus ride. i wish i could drive. i wish i could fly. im supposed to be done sulking but god help me i cant  stop crying and i dont have anything better to do. i tried to be positive. i really did. i looked up my next audition and found another one before that. i resolved to do productive things on the bus drive back. i decided to spend more money on an earlier departure so that i could actually arrive in tallahassee at a reasonable time and sleep in my bed instead of in a cramped bus seat and be in tallahassee in the morning so i could work and practice and clean and do all the things that will make me better. i was prepared to move on. they wouldnt let me. itms not my fault i was late. mother said shed be there for me at 330 but didnt show up till almost four. even then, the bus wasnt gone when i got here. the man in front of me was trying to get on the same bus as i was, only he didnt have a ticket but they let him buy one. not me. he wasnt too late to start but i was too late to change and now i get to spend 3 hours in this fhcking bus station with the unwashed masses knowing that nobody wants me before i spend 17 hours trying to get to an institution that hasnt taught me how to be castable and show up just in time to miss my first class which i may or may not be failing. misierable. its a miserable dream i have and i keep pushing and pushing and i get nowhere. im headed nowhere. and all i can do is keep going. i hate the bus. i want to get off the bus.