"Featured" Dancer

Once again, I thought it was my turn. I really thought I was going to get a chance to play a part and get it right, to be a character and go on a journey with her and have what I put into her count for something. Once again, I was wrong. It's not that I've never played a part before. I got lucky in Millie at Fabrefaction. I was able to finally get a lead at DSA in Sweeney Todd. I had my moment in Whorehouse as Jewel. I should be grateful for those, I know. And if I were just now recieving those roles, I would be. But, as it stands, I need a major role to feel like I'm doing something. I need it to happen now so that I can hope for something to happen in the future. It's not happening.

I suppose I could count my part in Wrestling With Angels as a lead, but, considering the lack of character development and the fact that I act as furniture dressing for the bulk of the show, and the hell I caught for not doing it right pretty much pushes that whole experience into a black hole as far as I'm concerned. The last time I was disappointed by the casting of a show at QMT with a role I really wanted to play, I was willing to accept that the cast had a very specific balance to obtain, and there is no real ensemble for me to try to fit into. As disappointed as I was was, I was able to get past resenting the decision. Not so this time around. I really feel in my hear and soul that I could have brought justice to Ado Annie and I hate that I haven't been given the chance. Now there is an ensemble for them to stick me, so while some other person gets to experience all of the magic that happens with developing my part, I get to look like a jackass trying to keep up with real dancers.

I didn't know how badly I wanted the part until I knew I couldn't have it, and I didn't know whether to be more hurt or indignant that I was, instead, cheerfully asked to be a featured dancer in the show. I have to admit, I was flattered when I was asked to stick around and learn the combination for the dream sequence at callbacks. I'm not a dancer, and I know I'll never be a dancer, but I do hope to continue to grow in my dancing, so it was nice that m growth seemed to be recognized. However, the fact is, I'll never be cast as a dancer in any professional setting, so when a director sees that on my resume, he'll rightly assume that there weren't many real dancers to choose from and I hadn't been able to prove that I could be effective as a real character. Furthermore, I very much dowbt that I'll actually be featured in anyway. I was cast in Cabaret to be a featured singer and I did nothing of import. I could have gotten hit by a bus on the way to the theatre right before the show and no one would have noticed. What then, does being a featured dancer mean, but that I'll be scrambling in the back a beat behind everyone else? Of course, it might not end up like that. I might turn out to be a brilliant performer in the dancer. That may be the thing I get out of this show. But that wasn't what I wanted. I wanted lines and two love interests. I wanted an endearing, but self-depricating song about my fondness for the opposite sex. I wanted to have a sweet, affectionate relationship with my father figure. I want what Ivy wants. I want a real part. I got a nobody role. Again. I want to be somebody.